All grow up

How did we get here so soon? I catch myself grieving motherhood! For 21 years now that has all I have known, I'm so blessed to be able to stay home with my three children.  I love being a mom it has given me so much purpose in life.

Now 21, 19 & 17, I miss them being little. I'm grieving their childhood or is there such a thing?

They don't need me anymore and they are to busy to crawl in my lap and read a book, well maybe to big too. My oldest 2 (girls) are in college and my son is beginning his senior year. By now I should be used to preparing them for this time in life but I just want to rewind!! I find myself reminiscing about their little hands and feet and sweet voices.

As a mother I have made so many mistakes over the years but looking at my babies (yes they will always be my babies) I have so much to be proud of in their lives. My oldest graduating with honors with a scholarship already working for a CPA firm in an internship, my middle gone all summer doing mission work in her 2nd year of college, my son working hard at his own little yard cutting business and why am I so sad?  My husband and I must have done something right, right?

True is I spend my time wishing I had done so much different. More patients, more hugs, more messes ( yes I said messes) I can hear you moms of toddlers gasping right now...lol. Dirt builds   character just ask a 3 year knee deep in mud pies, or a ballerina with lipstick everywhere but her lips.  Don't get me wrong I did let them get dirty but worried more about the clean up instead of character.

My heart aches thinking about them leaving home. What will I do?  Will they visit? Will they need me? I recently caught myself  in tears over their childhood. I want it back!!